Who knew it would be like this? Alone at 40, watching the ravages of age creeping up the sacks of my butt cheeks. I couldn't believe my bloodshot eyes when I looked at my butt in the mirror today. I was amazed. Whose butt is that? I thought as I peered into the reflection in the steamy mirror. I looked around to see if a crazed, old mendicant had sneaked into my bathroom while I was showering perhaps to borrow a little shaving cream or a bar of soap.
I'm a really generous person so I'd have been glad to give a bar of soap, a dollop of shaving cream, or even a stick of deodorant to some poor, penniless vagrant who had suddenly become aware of his poor hygiene and growing stench. I can relate. I've been on beggar holidays before, I've gone a few days without the benefit of a good cleansing. I know how the odors can collect in the groin and waft up to the nose when sitting naked at the table. That's one of several reasons why I never sit naked at the table even when I'm on vacation and I'm alone It is a good reminder that even when I'm on vacation, I need a good shower. I rarely go without showering at least once a day now - even when I'm on vacation. The smells seem to collect much faster at 40 than they did at 20. I can't wait to be 60.
Getting back to my sagging butt. I just couldn't fathom how much my butt had changed since the last time I ogled it in the mirror. It's not something I do very often. I would think only the vain admire their own butts - but I don't know that for sure. I don't normally ask people how long it's been since they've actually looked at their butts.
I'll tell you this. The last time I looked at my butt it was firm and smooth. Twenty years ago, I'd say it was a nice butt, but I don't want to sound conceited. But today, it's not a nice butt at all. It's saggy and I noticed some creases growing on it that are quite unattractive.It's my butt - it's got creases in it and it's not so firm anymore. I am sure some fitness trainer could whip my ass back into shape, if I'd let him (her). But there's as much chance of me having a fitness trainer as there is of me finding myself in a tattoo parlor. So I guess it would really be an insult if I told someone today to kiss my ass. Twenty years ago it may have been an invitation.
It's amazing how much time changes me - emotionally, intellectually and physically. I think time has been good to me on the first two counts, but on the last count time time has been really rough on my butt.
It's really hard to get into this aging thing. It will be a hell of a long time before I dare stare at my butt in the mirror again.
I'm going to wear baggier pants.
What possessed me to look at my butt in the mirror today?
No comments:
Post a Comment